Missing Toddler

Help! Send out an Amber Alert: my toddler is gone! I woke up this morning, went into her room and she wasn't there. Oh, there was a child there. In her bed. But I didn't recognize that child. Sure, she had curly red hair like my daughter. And blue eyes. And round apple cheeks. But she is not my toddler. Toddlers lumber when they walk, still a little uneasy on their feet. They struggle to find the right words and you struggle to decipher what one earth they are trying to say. They are still learning their numbers and shapes and letters. They have trouble expressing themselves and putting words to their feelings.

This girl in Elise's bed is no toddler. This little girl dresses herself, puts on her own coat and shoes, and runs into the bathroom and just goes whenever she has to. She makes up little songs about what she's doing while she's doing it - songs with a melody that make sense. She navigates computer programs using the mouse and keyboard all by herself. She identifies what she is feeling and tells us. She climbs into her bed and takes a nap when she is tired. This little girl runs so fast that you have to actually exert real effort to keep up with her. She says things like, "I'm getting so big. I am going to be as big as a tree."

Suddenly, Elise is a person. With ideas and a purposeful sense of humor and a quirky personality. She is funny and bossy and nurturing and sensitive and smart. She memorizes entire books and "reads" them to you after hearing them only once or twice. She plays dominoes and follows all of the real rules - and she cheats in a purposeful and sneaky way! She has perfect comic timing, scrunching up her nose and saying something hilarious at the exact right moment and waiting for a laugh. She scales playground equipment designed for school-aged children with ease and without fear. She is rough and tumble in her play, but a girly girl too, one that cares about fashion, hates being dirty and loves dolls. She loves to read and dance and sing. She has a clear and distinct personality that is less about being the way that toddlers are, and more about being who she is.

Everything is "I can do it by myself!" And now she actually can. I am not sure when it happened, but somehow when I wasn't quite paying close enough attention, Ellie got a little older, and a little more complex. She is unfolding into a beautiful, smart, sassy little girl. She is not a toddler anymore, that is clear, but she is always going to be my baby - no matter how mature she thinks she is. My little girl who says, "Mommy I need some loves" and opens her arms up waiting for a hug. I suppose it's only a matter of time before she doesn't request hugs from me anymore - and I get sad just thinking about that time. But no matter how old she gets, I will always be ready to give them to her.