Birth Order

I've heard that you can tell whether a person was the first born, middle child or youngest by certain personality traits- traits that are present as a adult. When you are born seems to have a lasting effect on who you are. I never really thought about that much before, but now that I am right in the thick of being a parent of two, I am starting to see how it is possible. I often find myself wondering which of my children's personality traits are just inherently who they are, and which are due more to their birth order.

For example, Elise was a very high maintenance baby. She wanted things to be a certain way - her way - and made darn sure that everyone knew it. She made it very clear to everyone within a 40 mile radius when she wanted to eat (and what she didn't want to eat), when she wanted to sleep (never at naptime), when she wanted to be held (always - and you needed to be standing and possibly doing squats) and so forth. She was that way as a baby and is still that way, to an extent, as a two year old. She likes things a certain way. She has always been very strong willed, demanding and - shall we say - managerial. Is she this way because for more than two years she was the absolute center of our universe? Because she always had 2-4 adults fussing over her, letting her charm us (within reason) with her adorableness? Or is it just who she is?

Lucas, on the other hand, is an extremely laid back baby. He is agreeable to pretty much anything. He'll enjoy being held when you're holding him, chill on the ground when you set him down, eat when you feed him and sleep whenever you coax him into it. He rarely gives an all-out cry unless he's absolutely starving or about to pass out from exhaustion. I wonder how much of this is out of necessity and how much really is his personality. His needs just aren't met in the immediate fashion that Elise's were. It's just not possible to do that with a second child! He goes with the flow because, really, he has no choice. It has never been any other way.

And it doesn't end there. Honestly everything our family does still mostly revolves around Ellie. I feel a little bad about it, but our pediatrician actually said that's the way it should be. She said that when they are both upset, attend to your older child first - because she is the one that will remember! And on the weekends and evenings, poor Lucas is scooped up and plopped in the Bjorn and dragged to the museum or zoo or aquarium or birthday party or whatever it is that we're doing with Ellie that we wouldn't consider doing if we just had a 5 month old. Everything still revolves around Ellie's lunch (he will eat on the go), Ellie's nap time (he will sleep in the car) and Ellie's interests (he has none other than chewing on his hand). I know that that will change to some extent as Lucas gets older, but perhaps by then the stage has already been set - he will be used to going with the flow and she will be used to being the center of it all.

When Elise was a baby, we were always so excited about the next thing. Not that we were wishing she would get older exactly, but every time she did anything - rolling over, eating rice cereal for the first time, crawling, walking, etc..it was such a celebration, such a feeling of that's so fun...what amazing thing will she do next?! With Lucas, on the other hand, I feel just the opposite. I want to savor every moment of him being a baby because I know how quickly it goes! I know what's next and what's next after that and the next thing you know you're little "baby" is saying "Go away Mommy, I want to do it by myself." I nearly started crying the other day when Lucas started sitting up all by himself for little stretches. I am not ready for him to get older just yet! I can see why the last born is typically treated like the baby all of their life - because the parents want to hold on to that innocence for as long as possible.

I guess I'll never really know how their personalities might have been different if they were born in a different order. And it doesn't matter. I think they're both perfect just the way they are.